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We Think of Our Baby Boy Every Day

Photo Credit: Daisy Franco

We had been together for 10 years, married for 4, before we decided to start a family. We actually thought we would never have children as we loved to travel and spend time with our three dogs at home.

On October 2020, we were expecting our first child and later found out it was a boy! The first boy on both sides of the family and the only boy to carry on the last name. We were thrilled to become parents. Surprising family and friends with the news was joyful. Everyone was extremely happy for us as they too did not believe we would ever want children of our own.

Every ultrasound visit and monthly heartbeat check up with our midwives went great. I was ecstatic when I could feel our baby boy moving at 16 weeks.

It was a Monday afternoon, Feb 22, 2021, when we had scheduled our Level 2, 21-week ultrasound. The technician came in and we noticed it was the same lady that performed our 13-week ultrasound. However, this time around she was not the cheery, smiling person she had seemed before.

An eerie feeling crept up inside me. I did not want to think of the worst. I watched the screen tentatively as I tried to make out what was seemingly unrecognizable. After a few moments of complete silence, the technician said, “The doctor will be right with you.”

Tears started falling as I whispered to my husband, “I don’t think this is good.” He reassured me she did not know much and that the doctor would be able to take a better look

When the doctor came in, he quietly asked how we were. As he got started, it took only a few seconds to hear the dreaded words, “I am sorry, there is no heartbeat anymore.”

I closed my eyes, wailed in pain, and held my chest tight. I couldn’t believe our baby boy was no longer with us. I cried and cried and held onto my husband's arms. We just could not believe it.

The next day we went back to the hospital so I could be induced. On Feb 24, 2021, I gave birth to our beautiful 1 pound, 5 ounce, baby boy. Mateo Antonio. We were together for 5 hours and they were wonderful. We think of him everyday and are waiting for the day we can meet once again.

Thank you Daisy Franco / @dsydsy87 for sharing your story. Shared with permission.

Pregnancy and infant loss can leave grieving parents feeling isolated and unsure how to navigate the heartbreaking circumstance of living without their precious baby. Unexpecting delicately helps grieving parents navigate the complexities and heartache of life after loss.

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