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I Think of My Angel Babies Every Day

Couple experiencing pregnancy loss

Photo Credit: Chrissy Evanko

In August of 2021, we found out we were pregnant with our third boy.

We had waited four years to try after having our second son, as our first two boys are only 14 months apart, but we were so excited and couldn’t wait for them to be big brothers.

At my 18-week appointment, we found out there was no heartbeat. I delivered River the next day.

After doing the recommended testing, we were told to try again naturally, as there was an extremely low chance of this happening again.

In September, 2022, we got pregnant with our little girl, after eight months of trying.

At my 16-week appointment, again there was no heartbeat.

I was completely devastated and heartbroken to experience this again at the same exact time of year—exactly one year after losing River.

Both my husband and I have done every test possible, but the doctors can find no reason why this is happening to us. We will continue to try to grow our family, but with every loss (we had a recent early loss) it gets harder to move forward.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of my angel babies or what our life would be like with them here.

I feel so selfish for continuing to try for more children since we are already so blessed with our two beautiful boys, but I refuse to give up hope that one day they will have another sibling.

Each day my grief becomes more manageable, but it never gets easier.

Thank you Chrissy Evanko for sharing your story. Shared with permission.

Losing a child is the most heartbreaking thing a parent can experience. Loved Baby is a beautiful resource to help grieving parents of faith through their darkest days. Pregnancy AFTER loss can also be disorienting. Courageously Expecting is an empathetic and encouraging companion for those who are pregnant after losing a baby.

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