Photo Credit: Tara Green
On June 22, 2021, I found out that I was pregnant after experiencing a chemical pregnancy in April. From that moment I prayed protection over my womb daily. I had fears, but I also had hopes of one day meeting this sweet little baby earth side.
We’d been under wonderful care by the best doctor (a specialist) I could ever ask for. I had routine BETA labs and had weekly ultrasounds starting at 5.5 weeks to make sure that our baby was okay.
It was so beautiful watching this sweet tiny baby grow from a chia seed to a tiny baby wiggling its arms and legs. At my 8.5 week ultrasound, our baby had a heart rate of 184.
On July 30, we were released from the sweet doctor we worked with for almost two years. We felt both excitement and peace in knowing we were going to welcome our sweet miracle baby on March 6, 2022.
The following Friday, August 6, we saw my OB for an ultrasound to make sure our baby was okay. I had some cramping and other concerns.
That day was probably the most heart wrenching day of our lives.
We went in expecting to see those little arms and legs wiggling, and a heart flickering on the screen. But we were told our baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks and that their heart had stopped.
“How could this happen? We just heard the heart beat," my husband Kevin said as the sonographer took measurements of the baby.
I laid there helpless and so, so broken. We both broke down after the ultrasound and held each other close in that room, and on the way home that evening. I cried in my room aching with pain and can’t help but tear up writing this.
“There’s nothing you could have done,” the doctor said. “This isn’t your fault.”
But I can’t stop blaming myself. This is so hard and I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same person again.
This has shown me that I married the right person. I wouldn’t want to go through this with anyone but Kevin. He’s been so comforting and loving and held me when I’ve screamed and cried myself to sleep. Even on the days that I feel alive one minute and broken the next.
I’m so thankful I've been able to carry this sweet baby for almost 11 weeks—alive and asleep in Jesus.
But tomorrow we say see you later.
We did give our baby a name to help us remember her. Kevin and I both think she was a
girl— Mila Grace.
Mila means Miracle, Soldier, and Dear One.
This sweet baby was such a miracle and we will never ever forget about her. It brought joy to our hearts to see that heart grow stronger and those little arm buds and leg buds wiggle on the screen. I will hold that memory in my heart forever.
We love you Mila Grace Green. I’m so glad when you open your eyes the first person you will see is Jesus.
Thank you Tara and Kevin Green / @tarabrittaingreen for sharing your story. Shared with permission.
We know that losing a child is the most heartbreaking thing a parent can experience.
Loved Baby is a beautiful resource to help grieving parents of faith through their darkest days.
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