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My Miscarriage Is Still A Loss

Updated: Apr 4, 2021

Photo Credit: Arianne Teasdale

On February 8, 2021, my partner and I were so excited for our scan. I was 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant. We were seen quickly which never happens in our hospital. The woman dong the scan was lovely, very smiley. She put the jelly on my belly and started looking at our little baby. Then the words you dread to hear came out of her mouth. "I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat."

I just started crying straight away and squeezing my partner's hand while looking at our little baby lifeless on the screen. Our baby's measurements were consistent with being 11 weeks and 4 days along. So, just five days before my scan his or her little heart stopped beating. We were absolutely heartbroken.

We were moved to a room to speak to a midwife and were given our options. I was a mess.

When we got home, I decided to take the tablets as we have three living children. I didn't want the miscarriage to happen when they were with us.

But it didn't end up that way. I naturally went into labour and miscarried our tiny baby at 13 weeks on February 16, 2021 at 2:45 a.m.

It all happened so fast. I had started bleeding at 2 a.m. and by 3:30 a.m., I was being taken to the hospital by ambulance due to significant blood loss. My partner looked so scared and he wasn't allowed to come with me. Our three children were still fast asleep.

We managed to put our little angel in a box to be taken to the hospital the next day. I had to sit in the waiting room with all the pregnant women just sobbing my eyes out with our baby in a tub.

On February 25, 2021, our hospital cremated our baby along with all the other babies lost during the month.

The ashes were scattered over the baby garden at the cemetery. I'm glad all the babies are together.

I am so so sorry for anyone who has gone through a miscarriage or stillbirth. We are strong and we will get through this. It does take some time. Please remember, it doesn't matter how many weeks pregnant you were—a loss is a loss and it was still your little baby.

Thank you Arianne Teasdale / @arianne_oliver2606 for sharing your story. Shared with permission.

Coping with the heartache of miscarriage can feel lonely. I Had a Miscarriage is a powerful companion for those who have experienced loss, with insight from both a personal and psychological perspective.

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