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My Heart Hasn't Been the Same Since My Baby Boy Died

Updated: Apr 4, 2021

In March 2020, I found out some exciting news—I was having a little one! This wasn't shocking news, as we planned for this precious baby. I had just turned 22 years old, and my boyfriend had just turned 21. We both had finished our college soccer season a few months before, and it was my last year playing. I was in school finishing up my classes at the time, then had an internship around the corner, so I wasn't worried at all. Things weren’t all together at the time, but we made sure it would be for our 'Swirly' baby to get here.

In July 2020, we found out the sex of our baby. IT’S A BOY!!

We had a soccer gender reveal for our little soccer baby. Oh, how we both wanted a baby boy so badly, but we knew we were happy with either. Our doctor wasn't supposed to tell us what we were having, but she slipped up and said "testicles" during the ultrasound. Even though we were supposed to find out at the reveal, it was exciting to find out just with us two. I had watched my boyfriend happy cry in the car because he was so excited for our little guy. I was extremely shocked. I have always had a soft spot for little boys, so this was God giving me him.

Months went by, and we moved from my boyfriend’s old studio house to a two-bedroom apartment. The excitement was real. I also was starting my internship. I thought it was a good idea to knock it out since school ended the first week of December, and Leo was due November 28, 2020.

Everything went smoothly. Leo was always good at every doctor’s appointment. He wasn't a big mover, but he moved to certain things. His favorite thing to move to was his dad.

On November 3, 2020 my life was impacted forever.

I was celebrating the fact that it was November, knowing our baby boy was going to be here anytime. I went to my weekly appointment, excited to hear my little guy's heart, as it was always so strong.

I had no idea what was about to happen.

The doctor checked his heart but struggled. I didn't worry at all because that happened at the last appointment. But this doctor REALLY struggled.

I went into the ultrasound room and started to get anxious. I asked if this happened often. They said sometimes it does. And then I got the news.

"Abbie this doesn't look good. He has no heartbeat." What? I ran out of that room and into the doctor’s room, and fell to the floor, hysterically crying, calling Lamondre. I couldn't get the words out. The doctor called him to the room to break the news. We cried together. Our hearts left with Leo.

Photo by Abigail Flanagan

On November 4, 2020, at 4:01 p.m., I delivered my Leo. He was 7 pounds, 3 ounces, and 21 inches long.

I got to spend 24 hours with my sweet baby boy. For 23 1/2 hours, I was awake loving this precious boy. The thirty minutes of sleep with Lamondre and Leo was the best sleep I’d ever gotten. Oh, how much I love this family.

When the 24 hours came to an end, Leo was taken.

All I could think was, “I’m his mommy, I’m supposed to protect him and never let him get taken from me.”

My heart really hasn't been the same since they took him from my arms.

I try to think he’s still here and that is the only way I get through these days. I will make sure the world hears his name and I hope his family will keep him alive.

I love you Leondre Robert Roumegoux. You're forever with me sweet baby.

Thank you @stilllovinleo for sharing your story. Shared with permission.

Stillbirth is devastating and can leave loss parents feeling isolated. They Were Still Born beautifully gives voice to parents who have experienced stillbirth, while honoring the little lives gone too soon.

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