Anencephaly Devastated Us, Yet Grief Coexists With Joy

I remember the day of my anatomy scan like it was yesterday.

My husband and I were beaming ear to ear with so much excitement and bliss as we snapped a quick picture together in the elevator on the way up to our appointment. We had done a gender blood test previously and knew we were expecting a sweet baby girl. We gave her the beautiful name Elsie Lynn.

Nothing in my pregnancy had been unusual, so this appointment was just supposed to be a routine confirmation.

It sadly was not.

Image Credit: Emmy Brandon

The doctor told us our daughter had a severe neural tube defect called anencephaly and that it wasn’t a survivable condition.

We were devastated.

For months we had loved, bonded, and dreamed of meeting our precious baby growing inside my womb and now we could not keep her?

Those days right after we found out were some of the hardest days of my life. I specifically remember my husband having to help me out of bed because the grief and heartache just felt so paralyzing. But with an amazing amount of support and care from our family and community, we pushed forward and purposed to make the most of every day we had with Elsie before her birth.

We wanted to love her the only way we knew how—by making as many memories together as we could. We took her to the zoo and to our favorite sports team games. We drove around to look at Christmas lights together and celebrated each monthly milestone a little extra, trying to make each memory count.

Then at 30 weeks and 3 days, my water broke very unexpectedly. I’d been experiencing an intense amount of back pain for weeks leading up to my water breaking, but I never thought I’d go into labor so soon.

I didn’t feel ready to say goodbye to her just yet.

We threw some clothes into a bag and quickly left for the hospital. Everything happened so quickly and within 12 hours our sweet, beautiful Elsie Lynn was born.

She had the most peaceful look and smile on her lips almost as if she knew she was Heaven bound. We held her in our arms, admiring her beauty for 15 precious minutes until she took her last breath. She was such a fighter. We bathed her and dressed her in a white outfit that made her look like a perfect angel as we tried to mentally capture and squeeze what should have been a lifetime of photos into just one day.

Then came the hardest part of it all, letting the nurse take our baby away and then leaving the hospital empty handed. While words can’t even begin to describe the pain that followed as we planned Elsie’s funeral and prepared for life without her, over time the Lord started the long work towards healing my heart.

I’m not fully there and I’m not sure I ever will be this side of Heaven. I’ve learned, though, that grief and joy can coexist and I can still mourn something I lost while rejoicing over something I’ve gained. I can still deeply ache to hold my sweet Elsie again while embracing the new joys and blessings in my life. 

I would also like to reiterate that my husband and I had an incredible support system of family, friends, nurses, and hospital staff during our loss of Elsie. They loved on us abundantly and we couldn’t have made it through without them. I truly believe the Lord used them to sustain us. It’s my hope and prayer that other parents walking a similar road would feel that same level of love and care!

Thank you Emmy Brandon for sharing your story. Elsie is still loved and always remembered.

We know that losing a child is the most heartbreaking thing a parent can experience.

Loved Baby is a beautiful resource to help grieving parents of faith through their darkest days.

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