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I Will Always Wonder About My Baby Boy

Photo Credit: Michaela Erickson

At 21-years-old, I was told I would never be able to have children. And that if I did, my chances of having a tubal pregnancy were higher than normal.

Until one day we went to the hospital as I thought I had horrible heat stroke.

Instead, we walked out of there with the news that we were expecting!

I went in for my 20 week ultrasound to find out the baby's sex and make sure everything was looking good.

Sure enough, everything looked great. Baby was healthy and mama was doing great. But baby wouldn't let us find out if it was a boy or a girl. So we had to wait for another ultrasound.

During the holidays, and on a flight home, I wasn't feeling well. My body ached so badly I could barely move. I was so cold and exhausted. I thought it was just jet lag.

Until that morning.

On August 12, 2017, at 7:00 am, my water broke after coming back to bed from the washroom.

I knew what was happening, but I was hoping for a miracle.

We got to the hospital and they told us there was less then a fifty-percent chance of saving our baby. I was sent to a different hospital in a bigger city and had numerous tests to see if somehow we could save our baby.

The doctors gave us a few options, one of them being termination. We chose not to terminate the pregnancy, hoping we could make it to a safe gestational period.

Sadly, on Tuesday August 15, 2017, I went into labour and I gave birth vaginally to our first beautiful baby boy, Corbin Parker Edward Erickson.

I held my sweet baby boy while his heart still beat, loved him more than he will ever know.

My body went into shock and I started to hemorrhage. I was almost rushed in for emergency surgery—I spiked a horrible fever and my body was fading.

Thankfully I pulled through and made it to tell our story.

Corbin is now a big brother to a beautiful little brother and a beautiful baby sister. I will forever miss him and will always wonder who he is. But am thankful he's watching over us.

Thank you Michaela Erickson / m_3rickson_ for sharing your story here. Shared with permission.

Coping with the grief of pregnancy loss can feel impossible and isolating. Surviving the Unimaginable is a guide to surviving loss, told through the voices of loss parents with the help of a clinical psychologist.

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