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Our Baby Girl Died, But I Won't Act Like She Didn't Exist

Updated: Apr 4, 2021

It was October 13, 2018, two days after my birthday.

After having three chemical pregnancies, we found out I was pregnant again! We were so excited, but also a little scared that something bad could happen.

But after the first couple ultrasounds, we started to calm down as we felt that this baby was here to stay!

Image by Giulia Thompson

We found out on January 3, 2019, that our baby had Trisomy 22 and were told she was incompatible with life. I remember it as one of the worst days of my life. They told us we had a choice to terminate the pregnancy, and if we choose to do so, we needed to do it sooner rather than later. The doctors said she wouldn’t make it to full-term.

We came home and somehow made it through the day. I spent hours researching on the internet what T22 meant. I had never even heard of it. I wish I never had to know what it is.

I joined Facebook groups with families that had kids affected with this condition. I learned that some of them are compatible with life. Very few, but they are out there, with parents who try to give them the best life they can.

I spent hours crying asking God why. Why us? Why our baby girl? What’s the right thing to do?

I thought about terminating the pregnancy. But the thought of hurting her in any way made the situation worse.

We had few ultrasounds after the one in which we received this diagnosis. She looked perfect at every one of them. Small for her gestational age, but perfect. They couldn't find any issue with her organs. And at every ultrasound we had after the diagnosis, I was more and more convinced that this baby was meant to be, that we were picked to be her mommy and daddy and that we were going to love her and support her no matter what.

That’s when things started to get better. That’s when I started to feel less depressed. Because I chose her.

On January 22, I went to the hospital to get an amniocentesis done so that we could know more about how our baby was affected by Trisomy 22. The CVS told us that it was full T22 but I still had hope it was just a partial condition. We needed more answers than what they gave us.

But when the doctor did the ultrasound before the amniocentesis we learned that baby Mia’s heart gave up. I knew it could happen. They told me and I was ready for it.

I kept telling myself it’s better this way.

The doctor said, “What did you expect with a diagnosis like the one we gave you.”

She wasn't trying to be rude about it.

But I’ll tell you what I was expecting. I was hoping that in three weeks they would call us in and tell us that the T22 was only in the placenta and that the baby was okay. I was hoping they were going to tell me they made a mistake. I was hoping they were going to tell me that while she did have T22, she would still live.

I gave birth to her on January 24, 2019, at 6 a.m. My husband was at home with our 8- year-old boy who was so happy to become a big brother.

Our baby girl was so loved already!

I’m writing this post to celebrate my little girl’s short life. Because during my pregnancy, we didn’t get to celebrate her at all. I had a constant fear of miscarriage, then when we thought we could sit back and enjoy it, we got the diagnosis.

We didn’t get to celebrate and be happy when we found out she was a girl, because that happened at the same time as the diagnosis.

But I’m not going to act like she never happened. Mia was with us. She was our precious little girl and is now our precious angel. She changed me and my point of view during those weeks we shared. She taught me so much—like, to never judge somebody’s decisions.

We love you baby Mia. I’ll hold you in my heart until I hold you in Heaven.

Thank you @GiuliaKaku for sharing your story. Shared with permission.

Recurrent pregnancy loss is a unique pain. Not Broken is a wonderful resource for those navigating the hurt of recurrent loss.

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