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I Started Missing Him As Soon As He Was Gone

I found out I was pregnant with my first baby on July 27, 2020. My husband and I married on July 11, 2020, so this was definitely a honeymoon baby. I told him on his birthday, and we were thrilled.

All my appointments were going great. My baby’s heartbeat was strong, and he was growing well. My husband has two daughters from a previous relationship, and we found out on October 17, 2020, that we were having a boy.

When I reached 20 weeks pregnant, I started cramping badly and felt off. I ignored it and figured it was due to normal growing pains. But on November 18, 2020, my life changed.

I was working at the school I teach in and went to the bathroom because of cramping. I saw mucus and blood, and I was so scared. I notified my principal and she told me to leave. I went to the hospital praying that my baby was okay.

When I arrived at the hospital, I had tests done, and they were are normal. But when I had a cervical exam, everything changed. My baby boy was ready to come out. I was 2cm dilated and my water had already broken. I was devastated.

I heard his heartbeat for the last time around 4:30 p.m., when I was still hopeful that he would make a rare comeback and make it. But the contractions started and I was given an epidural. At 6:44 p.m. my baby boy was born. The doctor said, “I’m sorry, you baby was delivered and there is no heartbeat.”

Photo by Taylor Batiste

I immediately started crying and screaming. My husband grabbed me and we just cried. They asked if I wanted to hold him and I was so scared to, but said yes.

As soon as he was gone, I started missing him. I wish he was here. I’m trying to understand why this happened or what I could’ve done. But I will never know.

R.I.P. Mars James McGarry, my beautiful baby boy.

Thank you @toocooltayy for sharing your story. Shared with permission.

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